Q: How can I keep myself mentally healthy while living with someone who has depression and tends to blame me for his bouts of sadness? He finds fault with almost everything I do, and I'm starting to worry for my own health.
What a great question! First, let your guiding principle here be the same one found in the Serenity Prayer, used in Alcoholics Anonymous: "God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference."
So what can you change or control? You can support your health by exercising, getting adequate sleep, eating healthy foods, spending time doing activities you enjoy, and managing other areas of stress in your life. You can also control who you spend time with, besides the person in your life who has depression. You can surround yourself with positive and uplifting people.
Remember, you cannot control what this person says, or his moods, but you can control how you respond to what he says or does. Be sure, however, that you have calmly told him in clear and simple language that you don't like his blaming statements and that they are causing difficulties in the relationship.
If he makes a blaming statement, it's important to repeat what he said to him, as you understand it. Respond by saying something like, "You just said I shouldn't have left that family photo on the counter (or whatever he said), and because it reminded you of someone you miss, I assume you think it's my fault that you are in a bad mood." If he agrees, then ask if he will see a therapist with you to figure out how each of you can be responsible for your own moods.
I strongly recommend attending a couple's or family therapy session together because the therapist can often help you both express what is hard to say, and help you both listen as well. I'd also consider limiting the amount of time you spend around him when he is negative, but only after you tell him clearly why you are doing this. It's important that he sees the link between his behavior and your limits. Good luck!